Jobless

(Note: The Internet connection works almost well. I'll try to keep the stories coming).

Hi everyone. I'm writing for the first time in almost two months. I lost my job and have had to spend my days between a stinky rope-twisting gargoyle and a cat that, well, didn't make it. The gargoyle is in mourning and I've got a three-week-old beard (not to mention really pungent B.O. Unemployment takes its toll on one's sense of smell. Gargy's farts sort of finished mine off).

Where to start?

Annie is an acrobatic little beast. One day, I went out on my front balcony to get some sun and read Camus' L'Étranger for the fiftieth time and I happened to not notice that Annie had followed me out (I assume Gargy's aggressive affections got the better of her sense of self-preservation). She had already taken possession of my chair before I could notice her presence and, well, I heard a cool "crunch" when I sat down. She stumbled down, noticeably lame, and her yelps of agony attracted my other pet. There was then a confusing combination of Gargy running towards his wounded loved one, his getting to the end of an unflinching chain, held back at the neck (with his feet still going forward) and my reflexive kicking at a cat that had just startled me.

...Annie fell three stories vertically and the equivalent of fourteen stories horizontally. We can't know for certain who punted her over the guardrail (three feet hit her at the same time), but her mewls of horror before she hit the wrought-iron spiked gate at my neighbours across the street (a good ten buildings to the south of mine) were one heck of a lot more cathartic for me than they were for Gargy, so I'll take the credit.

As for the joblessness, my former employer - a large IT concern - found it difficult to find work for a computer-illiterate finance/marketing/management consultant. I've decided to spend the summer (and my redundancy package) at the cottage and to dump the single-guy stylish, quasi-babe-layered apartment. Luckily, the cottage is on an island in a large lake. This allows Gargy to roam free and hunt bugs within the 50-metre radius his new chain allows. We've had to make adaptations for the rope production - it's hard to find a bug-free rope-drying spot. Wet hemp seems to attract all sorts of invertebrates. We've found one though, we swear! (though if you order ropes from us that have uncooked escargots, please just assume it's a culinary bonus we're sending on). Anyhoo, as long as Gargy doesn't adopt a wolverine to replace Annie, all is good.